Dry Shampoo? Really??

A few weeks ago, after listening to my complaints about an arduous hair care routine , a co-worker suggested dry shampooing as an alternative.

To which I replied: A what now?

(Said co-worker is now an ex. We got a memo one day simply saying xxx is no longer employed here... Mysterious!)

In light of not having anything exciting to do for valentines day, I decided to venture into the Sephora store at Pacific Centre to hunt down this supposed miracle of a product.

What i ended up with is the Cake Satin Sugar Dry Shampoo powder  (chose this over an aerosol spray...go green!)

- $ 18 later the verdict is that...I love it!

Never mind that some people say it's glorified talcum powder, this stuff smells nice! And if there is the remote chance of it saving me an extra 30 minutes of sleep every other morning, it is $18 well spent!

What I still find funny is that something like this actually exists.

Random project on the go: Crocheting

Ted Talk: Record One Second of Your Life Everday

Love, love, love Ted Talks. Came across this cool video the other day.

In the past two years...

Cliche as it might sound, I suppose the new year is a time for contemplation and reflection. It has been 2 years since my last post. A quick update then.

• Blogger has added tons of new features
• Finally graduated from yet another school, a total of which I do not care to tally
• Spent some time in India
• Moved into the hippiest part of town

Surprisingly, much remains unchanged. So here I am again, back home. Convincing myself, with much effort, that security and stability are important. A conflicted state of being aptly captured by ' The Shortest Way Home.' 

Although a good read, the ending was nothing short of a massive truck coming down the freeway. I'm not sure why authors of great imagination would sell themselves short by ending an otherwise great story with a fairytale like non-bang.

Let's take a moment and think about it. The reader who picks up a book obviously feels some sort of a connection with the struggles of the protagonist. How disappointed is it for the reader to be sitting there after having read the book, where the character has resolved all of his struggles, and the reader is left stewing in the same struggle - except unresolved. You would think that an 'all is well with the world' ending  serves to lift up the spirit, but in this case, stew I did.  Nothing has changed for me, the reader, in the 3-4 days it took to read the book.

Okay, fine. It took 2 weeks to finish reading the book. I do have a full-time job, you know. Perhaps let's add another bullet to the list above.

• Turned into a skeptic 

Prayer for a friend

Dear readers,

Today I am sending out a prayer for a friend. She had an argument with her sleazy landlord (whom I also rented from before)and he decided to kick her out. She got a 2 week notice. All weekend she frantically looked for a place to move to but was unsuccessful. While I cannot understand why she would want to live there still, she decided she would tuck her tail between her legs and go apologize to him. With a cake. Literally.

How humiliating it must have been for her. We both hate his guts.

On the second thought, she did say that she doesn't have any family here to help her and she's financially stretched at the moment. I hope I would never have to go through that situation in my life. Said friend also had broken up with the guy she was dating just last week. So yes, I believe a prayer for strength is in order.

Yours sincerely,

Ana

Deep Seated Discontent

I was watching a video on youtube earlier today about the different types of work one could get. It ranged from mind numbing jobs at a place like starbucks to high flying ones like being a surgeon. While I do not have a high flying job, I can identify especially with the part of having the job that is so stressful and demands all your attention that it becomes your life. Your work defines who you are. ANd I can honestly say that it is making me miserable. I feel bloody miserable. My life is in a constant state of stress and even time off isn't relaxing. Could it be that I hate my field of work?

Riddle Me This

Correct me if I'm wrong because apparently I've completely misunderstood the purpose of life. lol, seriously.

Friend: You don't want to be 50 and still be doing the same thing. Because you will come back with nothing except a lot of life experiences.

Me: Umm, isn't that the whole point of life?

So, really. The point of life isn't to live it to the fullest? What she said really baffled me. It honestly did. Because if that is not why I've been given a chance to live on this earth then I've got nothing.

FML as a counsellor

Dear reader(s),

Some days I really wish my career path was something different. Today is one of those days. While I spend all my working hours listening to others talk about their problems in life, the last thing I want to do is listen to family and friends in the event that I do have moments off.

Although I had spent all weekend in isolation, it felt good. Not seeing people means not having to work. Such is what my life has come to at the moment. Breathe, everything in life is transitory. There has to be lighter moments to life but I do not remember what they feel like.

On my day off from work today, I headed to the library to do some studying. I was joined by a friend who had had a really rough day dealing with her boss. While I really care about my friend, and wanted to be there for her (which I did)...I would be lying if I said our conversation did not take a toll on me. It felt like work.

The thing about this line of work is that it never ends. And you do not ever leave work at work. When human connections are involved, one does not stop to put caring aside.

With love,

Ana

Looking deep for a reason

It's Friday night and I'm sitting at home, on my bed, completely pooped. This week has been a little rough. Between practicum, work and school it doesn't feel like I had any down time at all.

Last night it all amounted to a lump in my throat. Why am I pushing myself so hard again? What is my purpose for putting myself through a hellish 3 years? I can see a destination but yet I cannot see or feel my own feet that are walking the path.

On the train today I was listening to a talk about patience. The analogy that seems to fit my life right now is the one with the donkey and the carrot. The donkey works hard, pulls a heavy load on it's back as it keeps going, trying to get the carrot dangling in front of it. No matter how fast the donkey goes, how hard the donkey pushes itself, the carrot is just a few inches ahead of him. He can see it but he cannot have it. I am this donkey.

What is my purpose for pursuing this path anyways? My carrot seems ever so elusive. Patience is the point of the story. If I were to stop chasing the carrot, it might go move further away for awhile. Further away than it has ever seemed, but it will always come back. And if I just wait, it will fall right into my mouth.

Why am I doing this again? For a good career, for a better life? For validation? What is my REAL reason? Sometimes after a rough week, even the destination seems unclear and shrouded by a thick fog.

The Dream

Scene 1: A girl enters the apartment. She had a spare key. She drops the bags on the bed and gets ready take a shower.

Scene 2: The girl had taken a shower but not inside the apartment. For reasons unknown, she had to shower in another bathroom in the building. She's on her way back to his apartment. Nothing is amiss except that the building is no longer an apartment building but a hotel with a big lobby. She notices this but takes it in stride.

Scene 3: She crosses the lobby to access the elevator that will take her back to his apartment. The elevator door opens, she is now worried. The hallways seemed familiar but does not take her back to his apartment. She tries different hallways, with no success. She keeps backtracking to the lobby, almost certain that the path she tried should lead her there.

Scene 4: She is upset. She is confused and anxious that he should find out she had gone to his apartment. She did not let him know she was coming. Her bags were sitting on his bed. She really did not want him to know.

Interpretation: This girl is me. I could sit here all night contemplating the meaning of my dream as I listen to the soundtrack from Les Miserables. Or I could take it for what it is. A simple sign.

Conversations of the past few days seem to land, one way or another, on working abroad and making money. This has been on my mind. My latest educational endeavour is scheduled to end in 8 months. Equipped with a graduate degree, there is a certain expectation that the world would be my oyster, ready to open up to reveal a long hidden pearl that will magically transform my life into the bliss that I've been waiting for.



Wrong

As I begin to consider my options in more details, well...details arise.

1) How will I find a job?
2) Will said job pay well? - I'm sick of working for close to no money
3) Where would I consider living?
4) Am I willing to pack up my life here for now? - Yes!But leaving family and friends is always hard.
5) How long would I be away for?

Another Sex & the City Moment

It totally was. This summer I'm mostly hanging with some girl friends and our weekly dinner/ Saturday night get together is starting to mysteriously feel like an episode out of Sex & the City. Today we actually talked about it too. We were trying to figure out characters and whatnot.

Kathy is a 33 year old massage therapist who lives on the North Shore. She has 2 degrees, one in Biology, one in Nursing and now she has given up all those for a thriving career as a massage therapist. Kathy introduced me as her best friend at the last party we went to. Current Men Situation (CSM): Kathy is in love with a bus driver who is 60 years old, she's casually dating a 32 year old who has a 17 year old daughter and occasionally makes out with a 53 year old who has 3 kids.

Lily is a 28 year old graduate student in the middle of switching majors. She lived in the states for awhile but has decided to call Vancouver her home. She's close friends with my cousin. I had only met her last year through a mutual friend whom I known in high school. Current Men Situation (CSM): Lily is going through some rough times. She just found out that her recent ex-boyfriend is getting married to a woman his mom had picked out for him months ago. He failed to mentioned this tiny lil fact to her until a couple of days ago. What-an-idiot. Needless to say, she's pissed and going through rough times. Went to the clinic today, doctor says she may be pregnant. Blood test done, results in 5 days.


Farah is a 37 year old teacher turned bank teller. She's sexy and confident but repeatedly has man issues. I had only met her 6 months ago when I moved out of my old place and she moved in. Farah is new to this country and culture. I felt the need to take her under my wings and introduce some friends to her. Current Men Situation (CSM): I have a feeling Farah was hurt once before, really bad. But she is looking and haven't been having much luck. She's beautiful and attract attention where ever she goes because of her bubbly personality.

My CSM: Nothing, nada, zero...nothing on the horizon and you know, let's keep it like that for a little while :) It's me time.

What is this restlessness?

I spent the last 3 hours (and most of last night, really) aimlessly searching the web for activities to do on my upcoming time off from school. Not only that, I also aimlessly browsed job postings for hours on end until my eyes are unable to stay open and I have a pounding headache. What is this?

Have I learned nothing from the meditation retreat I have recently been to? What is this need to plan and try to fill my time, and life? Am I doing this for myself or am I doing it so that I can tell people...oh this summer I did this and that. What did YOU do? Maybe it's a fear of having the summer pass by without any significant learning.

Ideas I'm playing around with for the summer:

1) Ocean kayaking
2) Scuba diving
3) Meditation
4) Camping

Perhaps it is because I feel like I've studied so hard this year and this is my one and only chance to go out and do stuff. Which it is. But what is my greatest fear here? What's the worst case scenario?

That summer came and went without any new experiences. The start of another full school year without having relaxed at all. That's my biggest fear.

Anyways, 2 more papers to go...2 more discussions before my 'summer vacation' even begins. Nose to the grind...

Story of a monk in the forest

There was once a monk who sat very quietly in the forest. This monk sat so quietly, he did not even bat an eyelash. Soon the animals of the forest began to come to the pond nearby to drink from it, oblivious to the existence of the monk. Later yet, the monk began to notice creatures that he has never seen before. Creatures his parent have never known of to tell him. This is the story of the monk who sat quietly in the forest.

Ripples in my pond of serenity

Since coming home from my retreat on Saturday, I have had one day of peace where I stayed home and got some school work done. I've had a visitor in my home since then.It has been 3 days. It didn't dawn on me how much I have come to appreaciate my independence and peace of mind. While I love the company of people at times, at others...human interaction is just pure torture. Not to say this it torture right now but I'm definitely ready for some solitude.

It is true that the most difficult part of learning something is in putting it to practise. In the face of all the complaining, stress is beginning to seep back into my life. Slowly but very surely. I see it now. All the stress people create for themselves from greed. The want to save money, the want to make more money, the want to have the best of everything, the want of all their dream to come true. How deluded. There will never be contentment if we continue to travel down this path. Acting as though our very lives (and happiness) depended upon getting the best. As though we will be anhilated should we not get the best television set, or the best kitchen cabinet. I'm willing to put money where it says we will not perish in light of not having the granite countertops match the colour of the wall.

A desktop background at a previous job site once said:

Relax, everything we were meant to do has already been done.

Lessons from Ayya

1) Somethings cannot be learned through logic
2) You would have to be in the middle to be able to see both extremes
3) You have to forgive and realize that we are all doing our best, love unconditionally

Blissing Out

I've just come back from doing a meditation retreat, something I have never done before. It was quite an amazing experience. I had an instant connection with the teacher/ nun. She used to live in Malaysia, believe it or not. In Penang.

For the 4 days we did not talk and fasted after 12pm. We slept on makeshift beds at 9pm and woke up at 5am everyday. The retreat was filled with bouts of sitting and walking meditation. When Ayya (the teacher) referred to retreat go-ers as "retreat junkies" I almost bowled over with laughter. She also says people mistakenly attend retreats with the purpose of "blissing out." Which I thought I was funny too because my experience was not one of bliss...at all. It was a lot of back ache, cramps in my legs and shifting around. I miss Ayya. Her smile which is at one time mischievous, at one time kind but she can be quick to reproach too. When she chanted her love for the Buddha, I cried.

So now it's back to life. Sensory overload for the first day but things are increasingly getting back to normal. I did learn though, I did.

Marinated Tofu with Vegetables

500g firm tofu
1/3 cup soy sauce
3 cloves garlic
2 tbsp ginger
1 onion
1 red capsicum
150g sno peas

Source: The New Stir-fry Cookbook

As I come back from my Silent Meditation Retreat I've been trying desperately to grasp onto any remaining shred of peace possible. With the demands of daily life, it is difficult to "slow down and smell the roses." I miss the monastery and the unhurried calm that seems to prevail there. So I came home and I cooked.

Brunch Scones

* 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
* 4 teaspoons baking powder
* 5 tablespoons unsalted butter
* 5 tablespoons white sugar
* 2/3 cup whole milk
* 1/2 cup currants
* 1 egg yolk, beaten

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Lightly grease a baking sheet or line with baking parchment.
2. Sift flour and baking powder into a medium bowl. Rub butter and sugar into flour to form a fine crumble. Make a well in center, and add milk and currants. Knead gently together, being careful not to over mix. Dough will be sticky.
3. On a generously floured surface, roll out dough to 3/4 inch thickness. Stamp out 2 1/2 inch rounds with a plain pastry cutter. Transfer to prepared pan, and brush tops with egg yolk. Allow to stand for 15 minutes.
4. Bake in preheated oven until risen and lightly golden on top, 12 to 15 minutes. Remove to a rack to cool.

Source: allrecipes.com

The Best Things in Life are Free

Swimming pools have the ability to immediately make me regress back to childhood. I don't know if it is the smell of chlorine or the water sloshing into my face...but swimming pools just give me a sense of calm. A sense of security where my parents are nearby and I know we'll be having a great lunch/ dinner after at the hotel restaurant...and I can have anything my little heart wanted.

I love being in the water! Life seems so much simpler as I feel my 'problems' melt away one by one. There is something about being in water that makes one stop and breathe. Perhaps it is how it makes us aware that we are human beings who are vulnerable (by not being able to breathe underwater) and inconsequential in the bigger picture.