Verdict from Week One: Drained

Well that blows. The weekend came and went so quickly that my to do list wasn't even half done. Got some studying done but not too much. Just learned that the tests will be open book so that kinda takes some pressure off.

I'm not sure what it is, but something about going to counselling school brought out a change in my behaviour last week. These days I seem to make myself listen to people talk about their problems more than usual. With friends that is. Perhaps there is a certain expectation, from myself and others, that I should somewhat be always willing to be there for others. To a fault.

In the past few days, I have done some stuff that I didn't really wanna do but felt like it was an obligation. Counsellors are supposed to be sympathetic and empathize with the situation of others aren't they? But there really should be a line drawn when it comes to out of work time. Otherwise I'd spend the entire day talking to people and not getting any of my own stuff done.

All of a sudden too, it seems like everybody wants to talk to you. Everybody wants to tell you their troubles. I almost feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I have somehow personalized all these issues and it now feels like they are my own. Again, I am not sure if this stems from my own mind or if it really does exist. A big part should be my own doing. All of a sudden now, when a friend tells me a problem it is no longer me just listening. It is me, the counsellor, feeling like I need to help. That it is my responsibility to help.

Yesterday for instance, a friend of mine who was having a really rough time had messaged me on msn. He confessed to having just cut himself to feel better. To say the least, I was shocked. It had hit me unexpectedly and I did not know what to do. I then asked if he was bleeding, to which he answered - yes. After chatting for a little bit more, I took him out to the movies and for coffee later on.

Curiosity had gotten the best of me. All night, I was looking for a glimpse of his hands. *grin* I know this is not very professional but think I did a double take when the wounds finally showed a little. It looked harsh and the tip of his fingers looked bruised too. That was where he started with is my guess.

Going on personalizing the issues of others would be a problem, I predict.

Which is perhaps why self-care is stressed so heavily. We need to do something each day to sorta debrief ourselves at the end of a working day so that we are not brought down by all the negativity. See, this is what you get for not thoroughly reading the student manual before starting class.

It is almost 11pm. Time to go to bed since waking up early is still so much a torture. It feels weird to be sleeping at this time though...

So yeah, like we do in class...

I'm signing off feeling a little bit drained (maybe it was the yoga too and the not napping in the afternoon anymore) but hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day.