Sunday, May 14, 2006

The Brutality of Uncensored Honesty

Since the last practicum and perhaps even way before that, an issue got triggered. Instead of automatically supressing the discomfort, I'm sitting with the issue and the feeling is uncomfortable. I give up trying to counsel myself. It is too complicated and I do not know what's going on anymore. It's obviously something.

Next week, I am calling up a few counsellors for sessions. Since I get a couple of free sessions through school, I shall use them up. Don't think I could afford to pay $100/ hour to see one.

Although if it really came down to it, I might have to actually invest some money in seeing a counsellor long term. For my own peace of mind. For the sake of leading a fulfilled life...which I do not think can be valued with money.

When will I become an actual counsellor myself, when will I filnally feel settled, when will everything come together, when will I feel grounded?

Leading the life of - I don't know where I'm going to be in a couple of months- is getting old. OMG...am I literally getting older? Stability? THATS what I'm craving for?? No! Impossible! Arrghh...resistance!! What's going on! No way am I getting domesticated!! Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

What do you mean a stable job and a proper home would be nice?

Umm I would seriously draw the line at saying that having kids would be nice! So not there yet.



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