There is no turning back now.

Three thirty pm today, I walked into FlightCentre with a print out map in one hand and car keys in the other. So it is done, planning has officially begun. Countries on my list include:

Cuba, Turkey, Greece, Egypt, India, Malaysia, China which really isn't that many as far as round the world tickets go. While I have people to go with me on certain stretches of the trip, what I need to decide prior to booking my ticket is this. Would I be willing to travel alone to these places should someone need to cancel? And if the answer is no, then I shouldn't include that particular location in my itinerary.

Do you think I'm crazy for wanting to do this?

If yes - then join the little voice in my head along with some members of my family.

While I can see (and hear in my head) all the negatives, there is something in my soul that yearns for adventure. There are so many alternate realities out there, so many different cultures. So many things that I need to see with my own eyes and feel with my own heart. Things that could not possibly be described with words...only an understanding.

People have asked if I travel out of the need for escape. I don't think so, not this time. At least it isn't just that. This longing comes from a place of wanting something more out of life. There HAS to be something more, so then this journey is one of searching, seeking, looking for an explanation...to life. What is it really all about?

I know my culture doesn't give me an adequate explanation. Money and wealth being the goal of it all just doesn't cut it. I will not dedicate my life to accummulating wealth.

Greatness in my mind comes from passion. For what you do and for what you believe in. For following your heart and for screwing the rest of the world should they tell you to change...

Greatness doesn't necessarily mean that one should achieve goals of monterous proportions. Greatness to me means having passion for what you do and to feel alive...

Having said that however, I also understand how following your heart may lead to disaster. George W. Bush, pardon me...President Bush...for example has passion. However I suppose where one gets her/his motivation plays a big part in creating greatness too. Oh god, did I actually put Bush, Passion and Greatness in one paragraph? Blasphemy!

Okay here's another example to illustrate what I'm trying to say. It is all a matter of perspective.

Vietnam

At some point in my teenage years, I was very much into reading about the Vietnam war. At that time however, I was reading books that took on a Western perspective. The Viet Cong were of course the bad guys. We all know that communists are 'bad people' and the Americans were just trying to save the rest of the country. So then I would admire the courage of these brave soldiers who risk their lives for the betterment of the country. Allegedly fighting for what they believed in (or what their government believed in, anyways.) A seemingly noble cause...

Cuba

So then I've just watched the Motorcycle Diaries about Che Guevara and a trip he took across South America in the 1950s. I've felt undecided about...

Good gawd, it's 3am. No wonder I'm feeling tired...

Will continue writing later, or not. This was what needed to come out of me tonight, and it did. For that I'm thankful enough...

Good night, guys. For now...

PS - But wait...I've got it now...

This trip is about going to places where great minds/ great people (as defined by me) have got their motivation from. Surely by seeing the things they've seen, by being to the places they talk about...I too shall get my motivation? Perhaps this is what this trip is about, finding my motivator...finding my passion...finding myself. And since going back in time is not an option, going to places they've been is as far as this life will allow...OMG am i going insane or what? lol...


But really...that's what India might hv been about too. Two of the people I have and still continue to find fascinating - Gandhi and the Dalai Lama...were and are still in India. You know what i mean...

Perhaps some of this trip is about making a pilgrimage. And since I'm not religious, my journey is in following the foot steps of people I admire.

OMG so profound ahahahaha....

You hv no idea how many epiphanies i hv gotten by being unable to sleep for the past 4 nights!

So many...but that's for another time, another place...