Impulsive behaviour is something I sometimes indulge in. Ideas come into my head as quickly as they leave. For as much as I am gung-ho about something, a week later I couldn't care less. This is the nature of an Aries person. Or rather, this Aries person...lol...
School started today and I found myself holding back from expressing eveything that came to mind. All my ideas, in fear of being laughed at or perceived to be arrogant. Arrogance is something that I do not like in others.
Where am i going with this?
There are a couple of themes here but perhaps I want to talk about school first. Today was the first day back after a 3 week break. Holy macaroon, it felt weird. This place that I used to find so much comfort in was awkward to experience today. It made me realize how different this school envirenment is from real life. How unrelistic it is to expect people to go into practise therapy sessions 5 days a week, as a client I mean.
Today we jumped right in with a 20 minute practise session. Being the counsellor energized me. It was exciting to have someone in front of me willing to share her most vulnerable emotions. It was alive. I felt like I could understand her, it felt like we connected.
When it came time to be client, I was drained. So tired, looking at myself and my own issues is so much work. No, today I didn't cry but my client did. Not necessarily my doing because she had already felt teary eyed at the beginning of class. But again, I see so much courage in the people who feel vulnerable and decide to stand up to this. Decide to take a chance instead of ignoring this uncomfortable feeling. It is not easy.
Dear friends, I invite you to explore yourself. Your psyche. We are all capable of so much strength and courage yet until we test the boundaries, we many not appreciate this about ourselves. Wah si, endless. Our work is endless.
This year has been challenging.
Oh, what I wanted to say about the dust. It seems like I am a speedy gonzales when it comes to ideas and plans etc. That's fine and fun and exciting. But guess what is the truest and most stable is what stays after the dust has settled. If it is what I was meant to do/ if it reflects my true desires then it will be a recurring theme in my life until the need has been satistied. Given that, I do not need to be afraid of missed opportunities. I do not need to constantly be grabbing at everything good that comes my way. Or cling on to every idea that I have, out of fear, trying to do everything all at once.
If the true need is there, if it is really that important then the need will repeated surface, a recurring theme....until satisfied...
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