Cliche as that sounds, yeah...that's what's on my mind tonight. Today is day 2 of my quitting an addiction to chatting with this guy that has meant so much to me. But until now he doesn't know what he wants. He's not sure of things. And it just hurts so much to have him say that. And the fact that he's half way across the world from here. I just can't take anymore of this torture.
Been listening to Take it on the run - Reo Speedwagon
The song just makes me think of life, and how running away has been something I have always done. Not that the 'running' in the song is all that similar to mine. And my situation isn't about having someone cheating on me.
It's more like, when under pressure...I tend to just run and throw caution to the wind kinda thing. This evening I've felt very restless and wanting to go out, to be loud, to go dancing, to have a couple of drinks etc. For release of all this pent up energy and emotions. I need a release from all this tension that is building up. No, we're not talking about sex here. More like pent up emotions.
All these emotions I feel for him. No contact with him is killing me, I have to be the strong one here. He keeps messaging me, I know he misses me and is prob thinking about me some. Which makes it even more difficult for me to stay away because I miss him too. But...I can't do this anymore.
To keep waiting and waiting, hoping that...hoping for more. Hoping that he will feel for me what I feel for him. This is a strange place to be. Don't think I've been in this situation before. Sure I've pined after a boy that didn't know I existed. But this boy, we actually talk about it and whatnot.
But no. See what I keep doing? Making excuses. He has been stringing me along just so he can boost his ego or what the fuck he wants. Not on purpose, mind you. He's not that kind.
It just makes me really sad that things didn't work out for us. Really sad coz we could have been so good together, too bad he hasn't seen it.
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