So they were right, age really does matter after all. It's 1.24 am on a random Monday and I can't help but stay awake in bed thinking. It truly is a weakness. This inability to turn of the thinking faculty in exchange for sitting, being quiet and feeling.
There are a couple of thoughts in my mind but one that is rather amusing is this. There is a picture in my head. I'm a young, sophisticated professional who is capable, talented, articulate and chic. Laying awake in bed with my laptop, possibly a cigarette (or smoke of some kind) in hand and a lil drink. Looking out into the night skyline of a fabulous city from the luxury of my balcony with tall sliding doors. Soft music playing in the back, dimmed lights...
Then there is reality.
Me living with my parents, working in a dead end job, not making much money, my head hurting, a giant pile of laundry sitting in the corner of my messy room... lol. You know what though, that's okay.
Today I went to the other mall in town to look around, partly for shopping (okay mostly for shopping) but also to scope out job opportunities. It made me feel more optimistic about things. Reality of it is that my fantasy is not that far away from my reality.
Someone very wise once said to me that whatever you do up to the age of 30 doesn't count and can be forgiven. Consciously or not, it kinda got engrained in my head. I'm closer to the big 3-0 than I'd like to admit. Perhaps this has thrown me into somewhat of a mid-life crisis. Issues of the existential nature resurfaced and I'm once again faced with the question - What do I want out of life? You know what that's like.
All the things I've done in life leading up to today, can't say I regret. A major difference I've noticed recently is a stronger sense of who I am. In the last few months, closer to 6 actually, while it has been a struggle to figure things out I am now this much closer to understanding what I want. Please understand that this is a huge transition. For me at least.
I'm hanging up my vagabonding days.
Lol. You can't take the traveller out of a person no doubt but think I've figured out a way that will work nonetheless. Since moving away from Malaysia in the year 2000, I haven't had a stable home. We've moved around so much.
Mid-2000: Newport
Mid-2001: Oak Shade
Mid-2003: Chelsea
Mid-2004: Burnside
Travelling - 6 months
Early 2005: McKenzie
Early 2005: Begbie
Mid-2005: Vancouver
Travelling - 6 months
Mid-2007: Victoria
Travelling - 2 months
Mid-2008: Vancouver for good?
My friends don't even bother keeping up with my constant change of address and phone numbers anymore. I've been in Vic for almost 4 months now. That's quite an accomplishment.
It has been a long time coming but I'm ready. I'm ready to call Vancouver home. Age is definitely catching up, I notice the changes in my body and in my perspective on life. Not quite ready to hang up the party hat but definitely the whole dropping everything every little while. Done. I'm sick of coming back to a new home everytime, no money, no job, no friends.
Absolutely glad for what I've done in life so far. So yeah, I'm temporarily struck with a feeling of confidence. Capable, possibly talented, articulate, well-travelled, somewhat chic (depending on my mood for the day) see I told you, not so far from my fantasy.
Things to do before I turn 30:
1) See the world <-- done for now, covered all the places I've felt a burning need to visit
2) Own a house
3) Own a private practise with my own office, library, couch and filing cabinet!
4) Get married? <--hmm, timeline negotiable on this one
5) Keep LOVIN all my friends! <-- always
6) Own a car <-- done
7) Do something special for my parents
8)Be part of a menage a trois <--is it wrong that this thought came right after #7? Paging Dr. Freud...
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