All these years of working in social services, I have worked with many abused women. It wasn't until last year that I got a taste of what it was like to be afraid of a man.Sure, as a child, I was afraid of my mother. I still am. You have not met my mother...
My living arrangement for the past 6 months was rather peculiar. I rented out a room in a house which was shared by 2 other people. Another woman and a man. The advertisement read:
Room for rent, house to share with female roommate.
Perhaps it was just me, perhaps it wasn't but not long after moving in I had the distinct feeling there was something fishy about my new landlord. Contrary to what he will have you believe, he very much lives in the house too. He is a lonely, single, middle aged man who claims to "mostly" live in the basement while renting out the upstairs of his house...always to young single women like myself. And mostly foreign, again like myself.
The first time I met him we spent over an hour in his kitchen, with me listening and him talking. He presented himself as an honest, down to earth kinda guy who is busy and leads a healthy life. I bought into it. Until today it baffles me how I could have fallen for all of that.
It didn't take me long to realize what my parents and friends realized the first time they visited me at the house. Nobody got good vibes. As it turns out he was overly friendly and has no sense of personal space when it came to women. He always stands too close. At one point it felt like he was always rushing upstairs to the kitchen when I was there as he wanted to chat. He just seemed really desperate for attention and affection. I almost feel sorry for him. There was more than once where I've wondered if my room was bugged or had cameras hidden in it.
In the 6 months I lived there, my mother only visited once. I did not invite friends to come over often. In every event that someone was visiting, the landlord would show up in a heartbeat. I started to detest him more and more. Comments he would make to me include:
"Did you realize we've been talking a shower at the same time for the past 3 days?"
Once he even cleaned my washroom. That was the last straw, I felt violated. From that point on I was absolutely convinced that he is creepy. So began my journey to hell. As it turns out he's only really nice to you when you're behaving exactly the way he wants. Giggly and appreciative of his advances.
After the washroom incident, I confronted him. From then on my domestic life was quite the living hell. He would pick on me for every little thing and often I was afraid as he can be bossy and broody. Honestly quite scary. He held me to our 6 month contract and so I stayed. Two months of awkward existence follows. I felt like a victim. Helpless, powerless.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. The lesson I've learned, for one, is to never put myself in that situation again. I feel somewhat sorry for the girls who are still living there. It took me 2 months to get out of that situation and he almost wouldn't let me leave. Or so it felt...
Now I know. This is what it feels like to be intimidated by an abusive man. You'll be glad to know that I am out of that situation. As of 2pm yesterday, I have learned a huge, huge lesson.
P.S. Oddly enough we had a system in the house where you'd have to mark yourself in and out. So at any one time he would know how many people are there..AND our bedroom doors did not lock, or rather he didn't want them locked.
I will NEVER, EVER put myself in such a vulnerable position again. EVER!
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