The tide is high and I'm no longer holding on.

Although it breaks my heart to leave KL, I am a bit sick of living in this perpetual holiday. It will be 4 months come March 18th, which would be exactly 4 weeks away from the time I have to leave.

Today my brother brought news of the dumper again. Wish he would stop doing that. In actuality, it would be great if I never heard anything about the dumper ever again. Wipe him and the memory of him right off the slate.

This brings me to the issue of what happens next, after a breakup. Do you try to remain friends or avoid each other like the plague? Once long ago I remember saying that if we were to ever break up, don’t think we could remain friends. Now, I believe this to be true. It would be weird with him knowing what’s going through my mind at any one point and vice versa.

So this leaves us with avoiding one another. Cursed with unlimited bad luck this time (or so it feels), I find my brother being close friends with the dumper. So for some reason he keeps feeling the need to drop little pieces of information from time to time. Today was one of those times.

When I post something on here, there is an awareness of the audience somewhere in my psyche. Thanks to blogging, I have not been writing in my journal for the longest time and it bugs me that this period of my life is documented in such a censored kinda way.

Anyways, it doesn’t matter. Sooner or later, this blogging thing will have to lose its appeal right? Then again I can see that some people have been blogging for ages and ages…

Getting back to the matter at hand, today is no different from times before. After getting news of the dumper, I am always a little shaken. It never fails to amaze me how much of a hold this other person has on me. He still has the ability to make me sad.

Although fully aware that my current perspective is blinded by negativity on one issue, can’t help but generalizing it to life as a whole.

I am sad.

The tasks that lay ahead are again too much for me to handle. They (the entire world) are against me again today. There is no way I can do what I need to do without breaking down.

I feel like a deck of cards. You know when they arrange it to form a tall standing triangle, one layer after another. Well right now it feels like I’m one of the cards on the bottom layer and half the triangle has already toppled over, leaving behind a shaky base that cannot be salvaged. The only option left would be to breakdown the entire structure and rebuild.

Today, I am neither the architect nor the engineer for this task. In fact, I have never been trained for either of those. What makes them think I have the ability anyways?