Rough Time at School

Hitting a speed bump at full speed, that's what it feels like.

More shite going on with school. I'm definitely getting triggered by this course and I know it.

In the spectrum of therapy types, Gestalt is definitely way over on the side of the touchy feely. And thet doesn't sit well with me.

Gestalt is all about feelings and acting out your feelings. So if you see people doing primal screams and talking to different body parts, more likely than not that would be Gestalt. My issue with it is that everyone in my school seems to love this approach. Perhaps because we have 2 instructors who are true Gestaltists at heart who live by the philosophy of the approach.

Come on, dream work?

I passed a judgement directed at the instructor at the end of this course and I felt that he reacted a bit to it. This bothers me and it has been sitting in my stomach for the entire drive back. Tomorrow I shall address it during check in and see what he says. This technique is called immediecy. If something doesn't sit well/ doesn't fit for you, bring it out into the open. And so we shall tomorrow.

I HATE Gestalt. And the fact that I hate it so much says that I am triggered. Something in me that has not been resolved is making me sensitive to the environmental stimuli.

And it's so tough because I am fighting myself. It's me against me here. I want to deal with all this unfinished business but the other side of me is trying her best to supress all the emotions. Thinking, analyzing and getting into the cognitive is easy, but feeling is the most difficult part.

For me anyways. And what is THAT all about? So many questions. So many questions.

Sometimes I wonder if this school is safe for people to go to. At one point or another you become obsessed with analyzing yourself and others. People often cry in school, and people end up breaking up with their spouses half way through the course.

When you have to be 100% honest with yourself, how many of us can truly say that we're happy and satisfied? No, really.

Since I have started this school, and just of the younger crowd of students, 3 people have broken up with their partners because they finally admitted that they weren't happy. And more people are thinking about it.

So then, if they had not come to this school...they might still be toghether. The students is only a small sample of the outside population. If this high a percentage of people are not happy with their spouses, life etc then are we human beings just being delusional?

Leading a life of fear of the unknown. Because apparently if you REALLY knew yourself, you know your life is not happy right now. And going about it everyday pretending is a big waste of time.

Please excuse me if there is a bit of a judgement here. I am writing this in a full state of being triggered by class today. There is a lot of anger and resentment in me and perhaps this is what my supposedly non-existent issues are.

These are my unfinished businesses...