In the quiet of this room

Quarter to 4 am finds me sitting in a dimly lit room at my volunteer work.


Tonight is the first night I'm pulling an overnighter. It will be 6 am before it's time to go home. I'm tired but wired. One of the calls I took tonight was a challenging one. While I had debriefed with my on-call support person, I am still left with feelings of uncertainty regarding the way I responded. I was totally caught by surprise and was unprepared. Will debrief more with another volunteer tomorrow. If that's not enough still, perhaps I could call the volunteer coordinator on Monday. Think I'll be okay though, will keep you posted.

The night before last, Jin (my roommate) and I stayed up late talking over a couple of drinks.

Please do not accuse me of having ADD but I feel the need to talk about something else. Something that feels real for me, something that's...brb...

Got interrupted by a call, where were we...

Anywho, was just thinking about what it means to truly accept one's self. Can anyone accept him/herself all of the time? I know I can't. At times I hate the way I look, at times I hate my friends, at times I hate the world. AT times, I'm just not okay. Guess the key is that I only feel like this 'at times.' There is a fine line between when something is a problem/ issue and when it isn't.

I used to love saying that an issue isn't an issue until the client says that it is. Not true. Sometimes, just because we don't know it doesn't mean it's not there.

It's a quarter to 5 am now and I'm tired. Last night has been a frenzy of thoughts. So much to do before the year is out. Then that's when the real action begins. All this is preparation and more preparation. So much to do that I felt overwhelmed. Still feel that way now even.

Sept - school, workshop, on-going coordination of travel plans with people, volunteer hours, work part-time
Oct - school, write GRE, letter of intent etc for grad school application, volunteer hours, road test, work part-time
Nov -Finish school, write final exam, moving stuff back to Vic, send in applications, finish up volunteer hours, work part-time
Dec - Chill in Victoria
Jan - Take off

OMG, just thinking about all I need to do is driving me to burnout.

While it has been nice having these 3 weeks off from school, I'm burning out from everything else there is to do. Just catching up with paying bills even.

In the 3 weeks I also haven't gone partying nor seen very many friends.

Reasons:

1. isolting self in prep for leaving again
2. saving money

So many issues to deal with, or so it feels.

Can't calm down, too much to do. Been working lots last week too. And this weekend is pretty much packed as well, but more with seeing friends and whatnot. Should be good to be able to talk about it all...until they get bored...haha...that's how you differentiate friends from aquaitances anyhow. If they are willing to listen to your bleeding story over and over again when you go on forever, yeah. Do yourself a favour and categorize them into you 'friends' folder.

*yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn*

So sleepy...almost 5 am.