So much for my happy ending

This past week has not been good to me.

Since Friday, I've been sick and that can't be good. Guess it's almost over though, stupid cold. Went to see a doctor today and yes, it is a cold. Just have to wait it out apparently. I've been calling in sick for work and missed school today. Bummer!

Things are beginning to get a bit overwhelmong again. I also dropped into the travel agent's today and umm, not a pretty picture. We had to change all the dates and looks like it's going to be pretty expensive. Am I going to be able to afford it all? Air ticket alone will cost a bit less than $5,000. And that's just the air ticket. Am I in over my head here? Is this what I really want? Is it?

And then of course, everything else kinda gets sucked into the whole mess of things. What do I really want out of life? Am I truly happy where I am, doing what I'm doing? There always seem to be more that I can want, more that I can aspire to be. Good enough just doesn't seem to exist *sigh*

On top of that, I have a 6 page paper to write that's due the day after tomorrow. Ughh, I feel like crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. And I haven't seen any of my friends since Friday. Or talked to them, as a matter of fact.

But I guess the mother of all crapiness is that he hasn't tried to message me since the last time. And I am dying to talk to him. Dying. Especially now that I'm feeling crappy. He'll understand. But I can't. I just can't. And it makes me so sad that I should meet this person that I believe to be somewhat of a soulmate and have him not know it. Or have him not feel the same. I am an idiot. A lonely, lonely idiot? But this loneliness is something I bring upon myself. Or is it? There are lotsa guys out there but why am I hung up on this one?

Call somebody else, go out with someone else. But then I'm not being true to myself. The agony, the agony.

Ughh...so much, so much, so much. The paper to write, work and school to go to, travel plans to make, applications to send in, GRE to write. It is all just too much for one person to do.