Toutured Soul

Yes, yes. I am craving for a life less complicated. Sometimes it really feels like I'm a tortured soul. Not in the sense that things aren't going well but in the sense that there seems to be no quietening the mind. School started again and while it is all still fascinating and exciting and right up my alley, it may be hazardous. Sometimes it feels like I'm about to think myself silly. So many questions...

Week one of school has us discussing frued, jung adler and the many different theorists of psychoanalysis. Theories of personality. In my current frame of mind, it triggers so many questions. About myself, about life, about the universe. Almost to the point of getting a panic attack. Have to be careful. Psychosis is so not cool...

About 2 years ago, I took the Myers-Briggs Peronality test and ended up an INTP. And now, 2 years later I am an XNTP. So pretty accurate. It's a pretty amazing test, I must say. Accurate in a lot of ways, quite scary sometimes. Great tool to understand yourself better. If anyone is interested, I think there's a simplified version that doesn't cost anything and turns out results just as well.

Okay, I shall resist the temptation to bombard you with a drawn out description of what an INTP is. Instead, let us focus on the difference. Even 2 years ago, I was almost boarderline in the introversion vs. extraversion axis. At the time, however I tipped slightly over into the introversion side. Now I'm on the fence. What does this say?

Yeah, I feel it. In certain situations, I would totally get energized by being around people and connecting with others. But underneath it all, I feel more an introvert. In times of stress, I mostly stick to myself to sort things out and to re-charge. Isn't it funny? Trying to put our personalities into categories. A continuum would be better. But not great either. Are there really just 4 dimensions to measure? I think not.

Since the time of Freud, we have been trying to define and categorize personalities. Many years later, we are still nowhere close. Personality and psychology in general simply do not have absolutes. We may try to categorize but there is no absolute truth. This is the part I am struggling with the most. Sometimes, the not knowing can be torture...