Do you believe in love? In an all consuming, illogical, insanity driven kinda love? I do. Great poets over centuries have written about such an emotion and I believe them. I know, I know M would be rolling her eyes heavenwards right about now, but I swear...

Everything in my being says that I want this. Don't get me wrong, it is by no means perfect but then again rarely anything in life is perfect. We all take risks. And it looks like this is a risk I'm willing to bear. Alls I can ask is that my friends still be there for me when and if this entire episode decides to crash and burn. Again...

Is it wrong to love with such abandonment? It has been so long since I've felt like this that I don't remember anymore. Only time will tell if my heart will once again get ripped wide open and left to bleed...But as I've said, it's all a risk. Then again if you risk nothing, then you risk everything. Remember that being my favourite quote in high school...

There doesn't seem to be much of a middle ground for me. Emotions are mostly intense, either super happy and excited or super sad...meh, I guess there is the inbetween boredom that I feel sometimes...like from 9-5 monday to fridays.

I've done this often enough to know now that I cannot be swept up in the emotions. That he'll do something to completely destroy my faith, for example decide to not come home again this year. I have to be ready for that. No matter how much he says he loves me, at the end of the day, the harsh reality is that I might not get to see him for another year. Added onto the 2 that have already gone by.

Gawd, the fiasco of last...I hope it doesn't repeat itself. When I found out that he wasn't coming home, it ripped me apart. And now that time has come again. What will it be...am I waiting on a ghost?