What is your rush?

The thing about living a routined life is that we begin to buy into materialism. That is our rush. A new car, new clothes, new things for the house, new tennis racket.

As human beings I believe that we constantly need to experience a rush. It could be obtained in various fashion. Whatever your poison is there has to be something that makes life worth living. This is the making of a healthy lifestyle.

I invite you to examine your own rush, as I will mine.

When in my life have I felt an insane rush?

Travelling, diving, paragliding, amusement park rides, connecting with people, making out with boys. Here's a thought. I actually like adventure sports.

So out of those ones, which can I do right now? As in realistic with respect to my financial situation and geographical location. Connecting with people and making out with boys. Since I've sworn off boys for awhile, that leaves connecting with people. Not difficult to do, is it?

If you've seen me in the last little while you'll realize that i don't make very much eye contact. Why is that? Some guy made a comment the other day. We spent 2 weeks on the same tour and half way through I asked him why he felt compelled to tell me his life story. Or rather make fun of me by pretending to delve deep into his soul for something emotional to talk about...

His answer was pretty simple. "That's the only thing you're interested in talking about."

Despite myself, I had to laugh. Spot on. He is RIGHT!

Small talk, coffee shop conversations do not interest me anymore. Isn't this strange? I seek out people who are experiencing the same intense emotions that I am. If people talk without emotionally connecting to themselves, all the talk goes over my head. Mouths are a flapping but I'm not really listening...

I'm addicted to strong emotions! Oh my god!

Not good. We all need small talk to build trust, to test out the other person. There is a lot to be gained from small talk.

This realization means a lot to me! It explains the hollowness of my communication with many people. I've been travelling and meeting so many people but alas, except for a few amazing people, I have not felt connected to many. I don't listen! Eureka! How simple is that? I simply have not been interested.

It feels like I've been living in my own little world. One where misery resides in the backrooms of my mind. In reality I have been so closed up that nobody can approach me for anything. I simply was not interested in anything that did not revolve around or confirmed my misery.

In my travels I did not become more open but instead more closed off. This is also understandable in that I'd meet new people all the time. It is difficult to share matters of the heart or strong emotions with people you've just met. And when you know that one person or both people will be moving on soon, you don't bother trying.