Single Girl in the City

What exactly is it that every single girl in the city needs? Love and sex. Both of which I'm NOT getting, much to my chagrin. Don't get me wrong it's not like I'm not pursuing both like my life depended on them. Nevermind job hunting, nevermind that I'll be booted out of my downtown apartment in a little over a week with no alternatives lined up. In a week and one day, I will be homeless. Strangely enough, I couldn't care less.

There comes a certain point in a single girl's life where all she can think of is herself. Nevermind anyone else, all I need is fun at whatever cost. And if other people get hurt, it is their business. I've gotten my share of being let down, so suck it up and bear yours.

Two nights now I've come home pissed drunk. One night of which, lotsa puking was involved. Again, strangely enough this feels right. If this is what I need to do to become the person I want to be then so be it. It's all a process.

In the week (exactly one week today actually) that I've been here, I've gone on 2 blind dates, danced like there was no tomorrow, gotten pissed drunk, went on a million walks, cried so hard I wanted to die, laughed so hard I wanted to die, made eyes at a gay guitarist, being hit on, rubbed shoulders with druggies in the nastiest part of town (at 11pm and seriously feared for my life.) I've also hated my friends, loved my friends. Missed my friends. Snubbed my friends, being snubbed. Spending lotsa money I don't already have.

And you know what? All with a shit may care attitude. I seriously don't care. Perhaps this is the rebellious teenage phase that I didn't really go through in my younger days. It had to happen sooner or later. But somehow it feels a little different. It feels like I have power now and I'm not afraid to use it. If other people get hurt, other people get hurt. I don't really give a fuck.

Apathy will be my greatest downfall.

Thanks to a certain Mr. F, I have learned the lesson of never being in a situation where I'd care more for the person than the person cares for me. It's all about having fun, no more, no less.