Life

Life does not leave one alone for too long before springing an entirely unexpected sequence of events on you. As I always say, life's a bitch. This time though, it has out done itself.

The dumper's dad passed away a few days ago.

This was not due to a long battle with anything. It was quick, sudden and devastating. Got the news through the phone today while on my way back to the island. Not from the dumper himself but from my brother. At first I thought he was kidding but no.

It was with mixed feelings that I called the dumper today.

He spoke in a very matter of fact manner as he did with my brother a few days ago. I was expecting this but even before talking to him, I knew. This is the hardest time of his life.

Why do I care so much? After all we aren't together anymore. Try as I may, this feeling of sadness will not leave. But thinking about the whole thing hurts so much. In the past months, I have done everything in my power to forget the dumper and what he did. What happenned was the hardest thing that I had ever had to face and I do not wanna be reminded of any part of it.

What to do now? Do I just act like we're friends? Coz we are not. He is dead to me. But I simply cant ignore him in his time of need. Not that he has turned to me for anything, but I know how much he is hurting and I can't just stand around as a spectator. But once I start caring about him again....I simply cant. I cant. I will not care anymore. Never again.

But, what if he needs me? He acts like he doesnt but what if he does? Pride might come in the way of him asking me for anything but...maybe this is crazy talk. Maybe I'm imagining things? But I know he is hurting...I just know it.

Just like I knew how he cared for me before. Just like I knew how he wouldn't ever do the things he did. I just knew but...I was wrong.
Perhaps I'm wrong now too. Perhaps he doesn't need me, not even now.

I can't risk reaching out to him, I can't. It would hurt all over again and I would rather die than go through all that again. A person can only rebuild her life so many times...