I'm Not That Into Me (right now)

It has been almost a month since I have last worked. By that I mean at my paid place of employment. In that same month I have, though, been writing one paper after another for school. My life is a living hell and thus, I'm not that into me (right now) for making it so.

How did it get to this?

At one point or another, forgiveness is necessary but for now I hate this. The entire semester has been a gong show and the final curtains are being drawn with me nowhere in sight. How is it that the entire semester had come and gone without me? Once again 90% of the work was left to the last minute.

I hate the situation, not so much myself, but some. I had to let it happen in order for it to get to this. This semester consisted of me having a nervous breakdown. And now I'm hiding out at my parents' home because I am not yet ready to face the world. Actually, I am but there is this small matter of an 18 page paper that refuses to take care of itself despite my best efforts.

One month of eating, stressing and being in front of my computer does not wonders to one's figure. Bloatedness is a condition I live with on a daily basis. Eating, sleeping and writing is all that my days are. I feel gross and disgusted with myself. And the stupid papers I've had to do. This is it, this is the homestretch.

One more paper to write and I'm home free to do all the reading and discussions I've missed throughout the semester. Yay to that! Not. Then there is a little matter of having one week between semesters. Which isn't really time off because I have so much reading to catch up on.

Stuck, stuck, stuck.

I am stuck in a life I do not want to lead. This is not the person I've worked so hard to become. How does one do this for 2 more years? At the back of my head, I know this is a great opportunity for me. This piece of paper will take me place, it will open up doors that I've always imagined. I just need to have faith in myself, my abilities and the universe.

Enrolling in school was a choice I made. It is a commitment. I hate commitments.